Want Your Kids to Thrive? Focus on Connection

Connectedness, as pioneered by Dr. Ned Hallowell, goes beyond individual success, and includes a sense of belonging and purpose beyond oneself. It fosters social and emotional well-being, collaboration and teamwork skills, a sense of purpose, networking opportunities, and success in business and leadership. Integrating connectedness into our children's lives can contribute to their overall success and fulfillment.

• Connectedness is one of those topics that can look “soft” on the surface but is in fact rooted in science and research.
• The warmth of relationships throughout life has the greatest positive impact on life satisfaction, according to the Grant Study.
• People who are isolated face a 50 percent greater risk of premature death than those who have stronger social connections, according to the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health.
• Lack of connection with others can damage the immune system, according to a study out of the University of California, Los Angeles—an issue that takes on added urgency during a public health crisis.

The importance of a connected childhood

Dr. Ned Hallowell emphasizes the impact of a connected childhood on developing highly connected adults, highlighting the importance of early investment in a caring environment. A study with over 12,000 adolescents identified two effective factors in protecting children from negative outcomes such as violence, emotional distress, and suicide.

1. A feeling of connectedness at home. Children who felt a sense of closeness and love from their parents were less likely to engage in troublesome behaviors.
2. A feeling of connectedness at school. Students who perceived fair treatment from teachers and had strong peer relationships being less prone to violent behavior and emotional distress.

Hallowell’s conclusion: “Academic achievements matter, but the feeling of connectedness counts most. In fact, the two-go hand in hand.”

Ways to create a connected childhood

Creating a connected childhood for your children or grandchildren doesn't necessitate extreme measures. According to Hallowell, you can promote connectedness by taking specific action steps. It's important to note that you don't have to do everything on the list, as even addressing a few can lead to a more connected life for your child and yourself.

1. Unconditional love and family togetherness

To create a more connected family life, prioritize building togetherness and dedicate time for each other. Consider the following steps:

• Prioritize having family dinners, aiming for at least two times a week. Gathering the whole family around the table creates opportunities for conversations, debates, conflict resolution, and the exchange of philosophies, fostering connections among family members.
• Use principled reasoning instead of intimidation. Base the limits on principles you believe in, such as fair play, sharing, treating others as you want to be treated, and mutual respect for feelings. This approach fosters understanding and strengthens the connection within the family.
• Develop traditions and rituals. Birthday parties, holiday gatherings, annual visits to honor deceased family members—to foster family togetherness. Establish unique traditions like game nights or shared TV shows. Involve the family in planning and implementing these traditions to strengthen the bond.

2. Friends, neighbors, and community

• Engage in conversations with your kids about being a good friend, covering loyalty, inclusiveness, avoiding embarrassment, and problem-solving through communication. This fosters shared values and positive interactions.
• Share your friendship stories and encourage your children to share stories about their friends. By relating real-life experiences, you can teach valuable lessons and show genuine interest in your children's lives.
• Get involved together in community events. Volunteer for food drives, park cleanups and the like, to help reinforce the link between your family and your neighborhood.

3. Chores and work

Assigning chores around the house and later encouraging children to work for a paycheck can instill a sense of industry, where they understand the connection between effort and results. It is important to strike a balance between overwhelming them with work and fostering entitlement.

• Choose age-appropriate chores, clearly define the tasks. Ensure the child can handle them and hold them accountable for completing the assigned work.

4. Sports/activities

Take the initiative to create connections between children and parents, as well as among children themselves, as these areas may have been reduced in schools.

• Encourage kids to pursue an activity in their area of interest, even if it’s not yours. Let them lead the way here. If they can’t decide, expose them to multiple activities to see what clicks.
• Maintain a healthy attitude towards your children's activities. Emphasizing connection and skill development over hyper competitiveness. Encourage them to enjoy activities regardless of expertise and lead by example, pursuing your own interests with enthusiasm even if you're not the best at them.

5. A sense of the past

Understanding one's roots can provide a sense of direction and purpose. Learning about family history can inspire children to pursue similar paths or avoid negative behaviors from the past. Moreover, it fosters a deeper understanding of their identity as individuals and as part of a larger group. Here are some action steps to consider:

• Tell personal stories from your childhood. Include funny or surprising moments and discuss how your neighborhood has changed over time. This helps connect the past with the present and creates a bridge of understanding for your kids.
• Encourage kids to engage with older people. Teach them to engage in asking Grandparents questions about their childhood experiences to gain valuable perspective on their own lives.
• Save and share mementos. Keep a collection of family photos and mementos to share with your kids, while also preserving their own childhood artwork and projects. These shared memories create laughter and strengthen connections.

Conclusion

No one wants to see their kids grow up to be so-called miserable successes—wealthy but deeply unhappy. One way to potentially help them avoid that fate is to encourage this sense of connection when they’re young. By doing so, you might just set them on a path to a life filled with both success and meaning.

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ACKNOWLEDGMENT: This article was published by the VFO Inner Circle, a global financial concierge group working with affluent individuals and families and is distributed with its permission. Copyright 2022 by AES Nation, LLC.

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